After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
