did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
