so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
