I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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