I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
