how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
