life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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