Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
