I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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