Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
