I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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