Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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