gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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