OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
