Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im holly from the hills drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize