Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
