this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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