I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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