I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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