I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
