my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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