then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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