I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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