I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
