A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
