Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
