the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
