Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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