i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm really busy with my period
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
