There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
