mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
