you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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