I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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