Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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