y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
