I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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