Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
