We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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