I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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