why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
