just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
