I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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