The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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