On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My first STD was from a foam party
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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