Small penises have feelings too.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
