Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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