I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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