return my video game
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
