she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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