I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
