no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize