after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
