I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
