nut hugger
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
