just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
