Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
