So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
