I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
