Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
