Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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