Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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