Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
