I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
