I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
